Get all 6 The Lasters releases available on Bandcamp and save 25%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Back in Blech, Old Stuff, Social Remedial, We're Mr. Mental Health, Ready, Set, No, and Kind of Blew.
1. |
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We don't like ourselves, but we like you even less.
We are living our lives with an asterisk.
Oh, wow, so you've got your own company, and you've got like a billion dollars, you're so fucking awesome, you're such a great person.
(You're really just an asshole.)
You made The Lasters feel inadequate.
Why'd you do it? What's your problem?
You made The Lasters feel inadequate.
We don't need your help to feel like shit.
We don't need your help to feel bad about ourselves.
You don't rate but you're still overrated,
sitting on your throne of no-mistakes,
telling us what's what.
Wow, like how many cars do you have? Those are some great wheels, man. And that house—that's got a lot of rooms, a lot of ego-stroking luxury you've got in those rooms.
We don't need your help to feel bad about ourselves.
We can do it all on our own.
(Ego-stroking luxury)
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2. |
Ivory Tower of Beer
02:02
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(I'm sitting in my i-vo-ry, iv'ry tower of beer.)
You've got your solutions.
(I've got mine.)
You've got your institutions.
(I've got mine.)
I've got lager and pilsner too, now out of my face, I don't need you.
I'm sitting on my ass, a slug of self-pity.
Nobody wants to hear that my life is so shitty.
Leave me alone and don't ever come back again.
I've got all the friends I need right here in these 12 oz. cans.
You fuck your constitutions.
(I fuck mine.)
You sow your retributions.
(I sow mine.)
I'm fermented in my attitude. I don't need anybody. No, I don't need anybody. I don't need anybody, but I sure as hell don't need you.
Leave me alone. Leave me alone. Go! What'd I say? I said, Go!
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3. |
Idiot Jerk Parade
01:53
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This time I really did it, I know I did. Had a good thing going, but I turned it to shit like I, like I, like I knew I would.
Overachieve at underachieving, it's nothing new. It's just, mister, I do it better than you.
Know that I've done wrong.
Know that I've done wrong.
But I don't care 'cause I'm just getting started.
(Hey)
Hey, time to join the idiot jerk parade.
Everywhere I go is where I don't want to be. Every time I look in the mirror, I see what no one wants to be.
This time I really did it, I know I did.
I had a good thing going—fucked it up.
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4. |
The Lasters Go Antiquing
02:06
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When I want to start some shit, I go down to the local flea market. Yeah, that's where I go when I want to start some shit. And I'm like, What do you got in the way of old and dusty, maybe even a little broken? What? You want to negotiate with me for a credenza? Fuck you.
(Antiquing, antiquing, let's go antiquing tonight.)
I need something collectible, something cool.
(Antiquing, antiquing, let's go antiquing tonight.)
I need a shelf, maybe some kind of record.
When I'm not feeling good, I go out and I like to spend money, but I never have any money to spend. It's really not that good of a plan, but I go out and I say, You want to negotiate for what, that? Just give it to me.
What do you got? I need a shelf. I need something to put a magazine on—I don't know what you call it.
That's really useless. How much is it? I want it.
I need a shelf, I need a book, I need a record, I need a table.
Yeah, antiques. Let's go!
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5. |
What's Up My Ass?
02:41
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I let their conscience be my gun.
One nation under god, yeah, I pledge allegiance.
Mediocrity's gone to my head,
Now I'm slumming with the well-adjusted.
(What's up your ass?)
What's up my ass?
Does that belong to anybody?
Behind every great man is a trail of bodies.
I make my mark in the modern way:
Finger your repulsive needs
And bleed you of your money, money, money.
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6. |
Late Onset Retardation
02:11
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(Hey, Hey, learning disability)
When you do something dumb and you do it again, you've got
(Late onset retardation)
Yeah, and you're saying stuff you no longer understand
(Late onset retardation)
You're a Johnny-come-lately to the learning disability crowd. Yeah, you are.
When common sense, it leaves you in the dust
(Late onset retardation)
Yeah, and you thought it'd be cool to ride on the short bus
(Late onset retardation)
Asperger's, autism, you just had to get you some
Yeah, you thought you'd be part of the scene
You're like, Oooh, the scene!
(Why don't you get a cleft palate? Why don't you get a cleft palate while you're at it?)
Why don't you? Do it. Do it, do it, etc.
(Hey, hey, learning disability)
Everybody wants one
When you do something dumb and you do it again, you've got
(Late onset retardation
When you do something dumb and you do it again
(Late onset retardation)
I understand it's a real condition. The doctor said so.
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7. |
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I want to put my foot through your day,
I want to kick it in
(Kick it in)
And I'm feeling like a loser, man,
I'm gonna make you feel
(Like I feel)
And this is how I feel…
Uuuuaghaghunhuunhunhunh, etc.
I'm not such a burnt-out case
That I can't put you
(In my place)
Leave your pretensions at the door,
From here on out
(Life's an open sore)
What a bore…
Uuuuaghaghunhuunhunhunh, etc.
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8. |
Oracle in My Pants
01:46
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Tin-plate dreams and artisanal rages,
Monkey gurus in cubicle cages.
I found my future in a garbage can
With a frowning pomegranate in my hand.
I don't know what that means.
I've got an oracle in my pants,
And he's telling me all kinds of shit
I don't understand.
People say that he's in my head,
And I'm like, No, he's not.
This makes no sense.
Monkey guru in skin-tight jeans
Talking shit with his magazines.
God made you hairy to protect you from dust,
It's never ending and yeah, it sucks.
Whatever.
No, no, no, he's not in my head. I can tell the difference between my head and my pants. Don't even talk down to me like that.
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9. |
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I went to the doctor. (What'd he say?) He said, I can't help you till you pay. (That sucks 'cause you've got no money.) Yeah, I know, I'm totally broke.
I've got no feeling in my pinkie and I don't know what it means.
I've got no feeling in my pinkie and I'm pissing in my jeans.
I know you. (Yeah.) You know me. (Uh huh.) Let's get together and start an army. (All right.) We'll get some coats of leather and look good in all kinds of mental weather.
I've got no feeling in my pinkie and I don't know what it means.
I've got no feeling in my pinkie and I'm pissing in my jeans.
I think I might be socialist. Wait, no, I mean maybe communist. Whatever I say is not what I mean. I'm suffering.
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10. |
Poop Adjacent
02:00
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It's not that bad, it's a whole lot worse. I'm living down to my potential now that I'm in this neighborhood. And they keep saying…
(The Lasters are going soft.)
Nuh uh.
(The Lasters are going soft.)
No way, I've never been harder than I feel right now.
Location, location, location, yeah I'm living poop adjacent.
Got a drink in my hand, but two would be nice. I'll be lying facedown in the gutter and still not seen bottom yet, but they'll say…
(The Lasters are going soft.)
No, we're not.
(The Lasters are going soft.)
Come over here and I'll show you something soft.
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11. |
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You're so damn beautiful, you've got model looks and genius too. You're the poster child for the well-adjusted fuck.
Red-carpet soliloquies, you live a life of trust-fund ease. Everything that you want to be comes to you so easily, it's sickening.
(You're like walking pneumonia)
Everywhere I go you make me feel like shit.
Never heard of inadequacy, you've got the best attitude this side of Ghandi. And I think it's wonderful how self-satisfied and content you are, I do.
Rush hour at Trader Joe's, the crowds part for you like you're Moses in the Red Sea, but like, you're just buying cheese, for god's sake, admit it.
(You're like walking pneumonia)
Everywhere I go you make me feel like shit.
A fucking virus.
Everywhere I go you make me feel like I'm coming down with something.
I don't think you realize how your behavior affects me. Why don't you think about that?
How many times can I blame somebody else? I don't know, let's find out.
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12. |
Learn Like A Cadaver
02:09
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I learn like a cadaver, got nothing in my head and I like it that way.
I learn like a cadaver, you can't teach me anything.
Bang my head against the wall 'cause I like like like, like the way it feels.
I learn like a cadaver, got nothing in my head.
I don't read books. Authors are total fucking crooks. I refuse to understand them, with all of their big words—'cause they went to college.
And I won't be brainwashed by all your so-called knowledge. Your facts are tyranny, man, that are holding me down.
I learn like a cadaver, got nothing in my head and I like it that way.
I learn like a cadaver, you can't teach me anything.
Bang my head against the wall 'cause I like like like, like the way it feels.
I learn like a cadaver, got nothing in my head.
I know you don't think I'm really that articulate. Well, you can suck my dick. Suck it like an intellectual would.
Ooh, say something else really profound. That's so meaningful, I don't know what to do with myself.
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13. |
Pampers
01:48
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Occasional crack use that's our thing, yeah.
And we favor politicking government whores, big-screen color TVs,
and big-time corporate greed.
We don't like Pampers, 'cause they make us sound like the Foo Fighters.
Yeah, and we favor politicking government whores, big-screen color TVs, and big-time corporate greed. But we don't like everything, noooo.
We don't like Pampers, 'cause they make us sound like the Foo Fighters.
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14. |
Idiotomaton
01:34
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Knee-jerk idiot's what you are.
Speak wise, you just say, "Huh?"
Media swill, no questions asked,
Don't even know you're a tool of the man.
(Hey, hey, hey, etc.)
Born on third base, think you hit a home run.
Silver spoon in your ass, you think it's platinum.
(Idio-oh-oh-oh) Idiotomaton.
Suck pipe of stupidity.
Stab yourself in the back to be
Human fodder with your me-too-ism.
I've got more brains in my jism.
(Hey, hey, hey, etc.)
Hey, hey, hey your fucking selves.
Yeah, you're like a fucking idiot.
Idiotomaton, duh.
Knee-jerk idiot's what you are.
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15. |
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I saw this girl on the street. She looked pretty food for a geezer. I said, I think I know you. She was like, You're mistaking me for somebody else. I said, No, we almost got married, don't you remember? We invited people and everything. She said, Look, just back off, I've got some people to meet. I don't want them to see you. Back off and I'll come clean, OK?
(I don't really not remember you.)
No, etc.
(I don't really not remember you.)
No, etc.
I don't but I wish I did. You are the low point of all I've lived.
(I don't really not remember you.)
What do you mean? I don't get it.
I saw this guy at a gas station. I'm like, You look familiar to me. He said, No, I don't. I'm like, Yeah, I think you're my dad. He said, My son died a long time ago. It was a horrible accident. And I said, Oh, well OK, in that case I'll just follow you around until you adopt me. How's that? He said, Please don't, no.
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16. |
Anhedonia
02:04
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Don't feel good, feel little at all
(And you don't know what's come over ya)
In bed or at the mall
(The best you get is melancholia)
I feel like I've got no feelings
Your joyous interludes leave me curiously unaffected
Electrochem-chemical happenings in my brain…
Is it really my brain if I can't control a fucking thing
(An, an, an, anhedonia, etc.)
Vacancy wrapped in human skin
(Emote like a mannequin)
You'll never see me grin
(Unless you count wincing)
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17. |
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I feel more less today, the world Laster-baits me I see things in your expressions that you probably don't even know are there, but I see them, and I know that what I see is real.
(Disaster, disaster.) I'm an emotional intelligence disaster.
(Disaster, disaster.) What?
Social cues mean nothing to the Lasters.
(Disaster, disaster.) I'm an emotional intelligence disaster.
I laugh when others cry, and I've got no idea why. Everybody's crying and I'm like, Ha ha ha! I always make a scene 'cause people are trying to say, Oh, just be reasonable and think about it for a second. And I say, No!
Yeah, that's what I am, I'm a wreck emotionally.
You can't use logic on me, I'm onto those tricks.
The world is full of Laster-baiters, man.
I ask myself, What's different about me? Why can't I feel the way that other people do?
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18. |
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We don't understand the consequences of our actions, we just fucking DO.
(We put the duh in adolescence, that's what we duh.)
(Du-uh) Viral (du-uh) ambition
(Du-uh) Jackass (du-uh) has-been
Science says you can't blame us 'cause we put Kotex in out butts.
(Du-uh) Our brains (du-uh) our brains
Our brains are in flux. Our frontal lobe's not developed, it's not our fault.
Vodka eye hole, snorting lollies on the troll.
Nothing to say but we keep talking anyway.
(What we du-uh)
Just because we put Kotex in our butts doesn't mean we don't know what's happening. We know.
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19. |
Bile Bandwagon
02:12
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I've got nothing good to say, so I say it loud.
And I shun my nose at all you fucking clowns.
And I just called to say, Fuck off! in a really, really mature way.
Just 'cause you're in a good mood doesn't mean I'm OK.
I know that I live my life on
(Bile bandwagon)
I know that I've got a free ride on
(Bile bandwagon)
I can throw a tantrum better than you, so don't even try.
Don't worry, everything's gonna work out fine.
That's what people are always telling me, but I'm like, That's a fucking lie.
I think your good attitude is really making me sick.
Just 'cause you're in a good mood doesn't mean I've gotta be OK with it.
I know that I live my life on
(Bile bandwagon)
I know that I've got a free ride on
(Bile bandwagon)
I can throw a tantrum better than you, so don't even try.
I've got the spew.
Optimism is the stuff of vomit for me.
I've got a free ride.
I've got the bile and I've got the time.
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